05-28-2007, 03:19 PM
Your style is certainly unorthodoxed, writing fics as plays. This should make no difference in how well your story is understood though, at least theoretically. Unfortunately, the way the writing is formatted (with a lot of square brackets, quotation marks, etc.) kinda leaves the reader behind and breaks any form of fluidity. I suggest changing the way it's put down somewhat.
Story-wise, it's fine. There's not much action to comment on yet, though.
However, I think you're busy with the manga now, correct?
Story-wise, it's fine. There's not much action to comment on yet, though.
However, I think you're busy with the manga now, correct?
"Let's fight... like gentlemen." - Dudley, SF3
